I’m just wondering and I don’t know if this even applicable to anyone other than me and my weakness and fear, so this never has to be shown or taken as anything other than a scared girl’s inquiries, but I always looked to college as the time I would figure out who I am, yes mentally, but also sexually and I’m honestly asking if that’s possible at W&L. I don’t know if I like girls or guys, but from everything I’ve seen, I’m kind of scared to try figuring it out at W&L.
What if I do like girls?
What if in the process of figuring it out I’m labeled as ‘that one lesbian’ and ostracized?
I don’t want to have to deal with that kind of fear, especially in an environment that is outrightly known for being meant for a ‘certain type of student’ aka straight, white, and rich and hostile to those outside of the status quo.
I’m being cowardly though aren’t I?
Is it my obligation to figure it out so other people don’t feel quite as alone as I do? I honestly don’t know.
Does the fact that I can put off figuring it out like sexuality is a diet seem right? I’m not sure who I am, but I really don’t think I trust the W&L community to be there for me if it’s not who they expect.
Is W&L inclusive and I just don’t know it? I’m really and genuinely scared to find out. I guess I’ll stay scared straight for now.